Love is... ??

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails."

Paul tells us what love is, but how does that apply to me and Kathy? How can we both use this verse in our relationship? I caught myself analyzing each character of love, and I want to share my thoughts...

"Love is patient": Paul starts off telling us what love is by reminding us that love not only demands patience, it *is* patience. If you truly love someone, you will wait. You will wait for them without knowing who they are, you will wait until you're married to them before pressing for physical relations, you will wait for them to return your love and you will wait for them even though you don't want to. You will be patient with the one you love when they are not in a very agreeable mood, you will wait for them to be ready for marriage before pushing it on them and you will be patient with them as they go through life and the changes life brings.

"Love is kind": This affirmation is one of the easiest to accept, yet one of the hardest to carry out. It's so easy when you're comfortable with someone to constantly put them down or belittle them, but doing so on a regular basis is not loving. Being kind to someone is more than being cordial, it's an attitude of kindness that will permeate the entire relationship; the private moments of the relationship and the relationship in the public eye.

"It does not envy": Of all the characterizations of love in this short verse, this one seems the most out of place to me; what does covetousness have to do with an intimate relationship? I had to look up the definition of 'envy' to grasp where Paul was going with this:

envy: A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another

Of course! Love means never coveting another person's qualities that your significant other may lack, love doesn't compare your significant other to those around you!

"It does not boast": The immediate reaction I had to this phrase was the thought that love does not brag; but that would be the wrong interpretation. Boasting is also defined as "to possess or own" and I think this is the definition that Paul was after. Being in a committed relationship with another does not mean you own that person. Kathy is my girlfriend, she is not my property. If she wants to spend a night out with her friends, it is not my place to say "no." If she wants to have lunch with a close guy friend of hers, I need to trust her and allow her to go out without throwing a fit.

"It is not proud": Bragging about your lover is one of the most petty things one can do when in a relationship. There is the obligatory gloating over your significant other, but to brag about finding true love is desperately immature. Pride does not belong in a close relationship, excessive pride and stubbornness will do nothing but tear a relationship apart.

"It is not rude": I could never see myself putting Kathy down with the intent to hurt her. Because I am in love with Kathy, causing her unnecessary pain is not something that belongs in our relationship. While harmless teasing is a great way to joke around with the other, wounding comments about your lover has no place in a God-centered relationship.

"It is not self-seeking": My love for Kathy has me forfeiting some things that I held dear to me in the past. I am moving to Chicago to be closer to Kathy because I know we have a bright future ahead of us, so I am more than willing (even joyful) to temporarily leave behind my home town and my friends to get closer to her. If I was a self-seeking person I would demand Kathy come to me or reward me for my "sacrifice." Not only would my self-seeking ways end our relationship and leave us both with a bitter taste in our mouths, it would cause me to lose someone who loves me dearly.

"It is not easily angered": It saddens me to see spouses yell at each other at the slightest wrong-doing, love doesn't allow for a build-up of anger towards your lover. Tightly integrating with patience and kindness, releasing any hostile feelings towards your lover is an essential part of a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Screaming fights and long-running feuds have no place in a loving, Christ-centered relationship.

"It keeps no record of wrong": I've said things on multiple occasions that have caused me embarrassment or have hurt Kathy; but if I mention these things to Kathy she responds with "I don't remember" and a wink. Love doesn't remember wrong-doing, love forgives and forgets. I also believe that love forgives and forgets past wrongs, things that your lover did before you got together. Bringing past wrongs to the surface will only wound your lover, this has no place in a relationship.

"It always protects, always trust, always hopes": Love means always protecting the other's heart, the other's feelings and the other's wellbeing. Until I am Kathy's husband, her heart is not mine to have. It is my job to make sure that, if the worst were to happen, Kathy would be able to move on from our relationship. Trust is an essential part of my relationship, being two thousand miles away I have two choices: constantly worry whether Kathy is cheating on me or trust her. Without trust there can be no love. I love Paul's affirmation that love always hopes. Me and Kathy have an abundance of hope in our relationship: we hope to get married, we hope to have kids, we hope that our relationship is beneficial to the other, we hope we're making the other person happy, we hope to spend the rest of our lives with the other. This hope will last through our entire relationship, big things and small. If a relationship ceases to have hope, the relationship will die a slow death or the persons involved will lose the will to work on the relationship.

"it always perseveres. Love never fails": Paul ends the definition of love by reminding us that love does not have an expiration date. Love is a choice, a choice that you have to make daily. True love will never fail because you will choose to renew it every day, good times and bad.